Newspaper Archive of
The Saguache Crescent
Saguache , Colorado
Lyft
April 18, 1912     The Saguache Crescent
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April 18, 1912
 

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III ~ I III I II I I I II I I I II I , IJll II1~ What Ailed Him. , ~ want you to tell me plainly ,doe- tot,' said the man with the fat govern- Bent "osi'" ' . u uon, 'what is the matter With me. "Well, sir," answered the old doc- tor, leaning back in his chair and look- at his beefy, red faced patient, 'You are suffering from underwork and overpay." The Currency Problem. "Speaking of elastic currency--" "Yes." "Did you ever try to stretch $1.50 ~ver two weeks?" ~ A Difference. "There is a man who runs every- :bOdy down." "How ?" "What dp you mean ?" t '~Dees he" take away their charac, ers with his tongue or their lives ~ith his auto?" On the Jump. ~Oue of Lord Charles Beresford's nants who conducted a small un- ertakers' establishment in.Waterford was one day asked how the business Was getting along. ~ "Grand, me lord!" he exclaimed. "I now have the luckiest little hearse You ever saw. Glory be to goodness, it was never a day idle since I got it.', Man's Sphere. "Where," asked the female suffrage orator, "would man be today where it not for woman?" She paused a moment and looked ' round the/hall. "I repeat," she said, "where would ~tan be today if not for woman?" ~r"He'd be in the Garden of Eden eat- g strawberries," answered a voice om the gallery. It Would Depend. "Would you advise me to encourage my daughter in her desire to take vo- Cal instructions?" asked the rich man. "Well, that would depend," replied the conscientious teacher. "On what?" "On whether you expect her to learn to sing or whether your object is ~erely to keep her out of mischief. A Utilitarian. "I wish I could find out who wrote this anonymous letter," said Senator Sorghum, as he paused in the work of going through his correspondence. "Has it annoyed you?" "No. But the fellow has some tnighty snappy ideas in invective. I'd* like lo get him to write a few cam- Paign speeches for me." 8alisbury's Set Speech. A reply very characteristic of the ~tateman and diplomat who made it is given in the "Autobiography of Alfred Austin." Lord and Lady Salisbury were among the guests at Hewell grange. Lord "Salisbury had come to speak at a public meeting. On the morning of the day when the speech was to be