Newspaper Archive of
The Saguache Crescent
Saguache , Colorado
August 29, 1901     The Saguache Crescent
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August 29, 1901

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I I III I I . L I I I I II ..... i I i i ~UICK WORK MIGHT SOLVE lIT. A lady was recently reading to her young son the story of a little fellow whose father was taken ill and died, after which he set himself diligently to work to assist in suppurtlng himself and his mother. When she had fin- ished the story she said: "Now, Tommy, if pa were to die, wouldn't you work to keep mamma?" "Why, no," said the little chap, not relishing the idea of work. "What for? Ain't we got a good house to llve in?" "Oh, yes, my dear," said the mother; "but we can't eat the house, you know." Well, ain't we got plenty of things in the pantry?" continued the young hopeful. "Certainly, dear," replied the moth- er; "but they would not last long and what then?" "Well, ma," said the young incor- rigible, after thinking a moment, "ain't there enough to last till you get an- other husband?" Ma gave it up--Answers. A HORIZONTAL SHAVE. ~_ famous orator arrived late in a Southern city, where he was engaged to lecture. He needed a shave badly, and had just time for one. Hastening to his room in the hotel he rang for a barber. A bright-looking boy came in and announced that he was the bar- ber. The gentleman sat down on a chair and told him to go ahead. 4'I beg you pardon, sir, but would you mind lying down on the couch?'" ~"Why?" asked the astonished lec- turer. '~Vell, sir, you see, I am generally sent to shave the corpses, and I can shave a man better when he is lying down."~New York Tribune. A DEBTOR IN DIFFICULTY. Maud--"When are they to be mar- lied?" Ethel--"Never." Maud--"Never? And why so?" . Ethel--"She will not marry him un- Ul he has paid his debts, and he can- not pay his debts until she marries hlm.'--Fun. HE ~WAS SORRY. Housekeeper--"This is the twentieth time today that I've had to come to the door to tell peddlers that r did not want anything." Peddler--"Very sorry, mum!" Housekeeper--It's some comfort to know that you are sorry, anyhow." Peddler--"Yes, mum. I'm very sor- ry you don't want anythin~g, mum." AT THE LUNCH COUNTER. Mrs. Stickler--"I don't like black- berry pie, but I suppose I'll have to take it," Mrs. Schoppen--"Why so, if there's some other kind you like better?" Mrs. Stickler--"I'm in mourning, you know"--Philadelplria Press. DECEIVED BY APFEARANCES, Old Friend (Just returned)--"Your engagement with Miss Prattle Is off, I see." Billton--"Off ?" Old Friend--"Why, yes. She Just passed and scarcely deigned you a look." Billton~"Oh, that's it? We are mar- ried." NO OBJECTIONS. "Before I promise to be your wife I have a terrible confession to ~nake," faltered the beautiful girl. "I--T went to the cooking school." But the young man only smiled. "Worry not, dearest, I am a health advocate and eat only raw food." SHE WAS WISE. \ Lord De Broke---I cannot live wtth out yot~. ~ Miss Cuttlng~I didn't imagine you were so badly in debt as all that. A MATIER OF FORM, A STRICT ~ODERNIST. "What do you think made Shylock refuse three thousand ducats in cash and continue to demand his pound of flesh ?" "I don't know," answered the man who didn't mean to be ghastly, but who has merely failed to acquire a familiarity with his subject. "r sup- pose the Beef Trust happened to be in a position to quote any prices it pleased Just at that time."~Washing- ton Star. A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT. .,~ Harry--"Wonder why it ~vas that Frank and Bertha broke off their en- gagement I understood it was all ar- ranged, even to the marriage day." Dlck~"It was discovered that the wedding ring was made by nonunion labor, so the clergyman refused to per- form the ceremony, and no other min- ister in town dares to do lt,"--Boston Transcript. A RARE OCCURRANCE. First Boarder--I ~lsh the landlady would give us notice when she is go- lug to serve chicken. Second Boarder--Why? -- ~7" First Boarder~I w~s so surprised when she brought that fowl in at din- Cora~Do you think it's good form for a glrl to wear a short bathing-sult? her that I lost my appetite.~Ohl~ Dora~Depends altogether on the girl. State Journal. CORREOT DIAGNOSIS, Shrewd Doctur~'"I see what's the matter. It's mental strain~too much worry." Bank Cashier~"What do you ad- vlse2" "Change of scene." "Where to?" "Oh, almost any country where there bz no extradition treaty." LIKED LITERARY I~IENo Young Author (engaging board)~ "You have several literary men board- ing here, Z believe." Mrs. Slimdiet--"Yes, quite a number. I like lltenary men." "I am delighted to hear it." "Yes, you see, literary men never kick when I demand cash in advance They are used to it." NAilING THE BEST OF IT. Mrs. De Fashicfn~"My daughter has fainting spells and our doctor Is unable to stop them, so I have come to engage your services." Professor Shassai (dancing master) --"Vat you vlsh off me, madam?" Mrs. De Fashion--"I thought you might perhaps teach her to faint more gracefully." ONE OF THE AgJUNCTS. Miss Watson~What made yo' so late comin' to de cakewalk lag' night, Mlstah Johnsing? Mlstah Johnslng~I couldn't find ~n ah razah. THE cHIEF COST. Asklt~"And so you have given up your summer trip to Wetspot-by-the- ~?- Tellit~"Yes, I had to. I had money enough for expenses, but not enough for ttl~."~Baltimore American. GOOD ~ BlgAflS. Engllshman--"Hov you brawss bed- steads?" Hotel Clerk~"N-o, the bedsteads are made of soft wo~, but you'll find the mat'tre~ ni~ and hard." REACHED THE LIMIT. Maud~"Your fiance called on me last night," Mabel~"Indeed ?" Maud~"Yes, guess what he said to me.~ Mabel---"I haven't the least notion." Maud~"He said, 'I wish that I dared to kiss you.'" Mabel (confldently)~"But, he didn't do it." /. Maud~"How do you know?" Mabel (sweetly)--"There are limits even to heroism."--Town and CountrT. NEAT HOUSEKEEPING. Neat Housekeeper~"Have you dust- ed this parlor?" Domestte--"Yes, mum." Neat Housekeeper--"Weil, it doesn't look so. Dust it again, and breathe hard while you're doing it." WHAT AIL8 IT. Literary Man---"Poetry, my friend, is but a form of music." Ordinary Mann"That so? Well--er --don't yon think magazine poetry R a --at--little too Wagnerian?.o U H ~:::..~::.~,;.*.;::(y..:.:f~'.: ~-f.::.~(;: ~*,.::.';.;;,~:.~:..:..:: -,~t Exporf~r and Import.r. It may surprise many to learn that considerably more than half of our Im- ports consists of agricultural products. In the calendar year 1900 these imports were valued at $420,139,288. This rep- resents a larger amount than that cred- ited to any year since 1895. Here is the classification by continents: Europe ................... $128,987,262 South America ............ 65,846,827 Asia ...................... 100,518,759 North America ........... 82,827,813 Oceania ................... 31,367,314 Africa .................... 10,591,313 Total .................. $420,139,288 Strangely enough, Europe was the most important source of our agri- cultural imports. Brazil holds the first place among the countries sup- plying us with these products, her total for 1900 being $39,287,000, and the 'United Kingdom stands next to Brazil, with $32,606.000. The Dutch East In- dies supplied us with products valued at $27,500,000. The leading items of the agricultural import trade are as follows: Sugar ..................... $100,250,974 Coffee ..................... 52,467,943 Hides and skins ........... 57,935,608 Silks ....................... 45,329,760 Wools .................... 20,260,936 Vegetable fibers ....... ~.. 34,334,750 Fruits and nuts .......... 19,263,592 Tea ....................... 10,558,110 Tobacco ................... 13,297,223 Wines .................... 7,421,495 Vegetable oils ............ 6,320,711 Cocoa ..................... 5,970,844 Other ..................... 46,727,252 ~I0~ Far Lr~ion,r Ca~ Go. The English courts are gradually de- termining how far a trades union can lawfully go when its members and an employer are at odds. A few years ago it was laid down as the law that where the agent of a union notifies an employer that if he does not discharge men in his service because they do not belong to the organization the union men in his employ will strike and the non-union men are discharged on ac- count of this threat they cannot re- cover damages. It was admitted that the men thus discharged had been in- Jured, but it was held that since it was lawful for an individual member of a union to tell his employer that he would not work for him unless he dis- charged certain persons whom he did not wish to work with, it was lawful for the union men to do tt~ same thing collectively through an officer of their organization. This decision was altogether satis- factory to the trades unions. A final decision recently g~ven in another case does not suit them at all. A butcher got entangled in a controversy with the Journeymen Butchers' Assistants' associatto~. The association induced several of his employes to leave with- out notice, thus interfering consider- ably with his business, and finally tt notified a second butcher that unless he stopped doing business with the first butcher the association would call out his hands. This threat was ef- fectual and the final result was the ruin of the first butcher. Then he sued the association, which has money, for $1,250 damages and has won his suit. A Feral E~loerimenf. A Havana dispatch states that one of the four subjects of recent yellow fever experiments has fallen a victim. He was bitten by a mosquito which had previously bitten a yellow fever patient and developed the fever four days later. This case is notable, not only be- cause it is the first of numerous ex- perimental cases to result fatally, but because the death proves that the se- rum prepared by Dr. Caldas is not a sure cure in all cases, and raises a doubt as to its curative efficiency in any case. The yellow fever board in Havana has been conducting experi- ments since early in January, and as all save one of the many subjects have recovered from the disease there would hardly seem to be sufficient reason for discontinuing the investigation in this direction, if further subjects offer themselves and tf useful knowledge is likely to be gained by continuing the experiments. Dr. Havard, our chief surgeon in Cuba, who refuses to permit more to be tried, should consider the small per- centage of fatality hitherto and the fact that subjects are willing to take the risk in order to become immune, and not merely for the good of others. American JWea~ in Lon~or~ The English cattlemen have peti- tioned parliament for the redress of a great grievance. They allege that the Americans have by foul means ob- tained control of Smithfield, London's central meat market. They say that British cattle-raisers are absolutely ex- cluded from that market; that the Yankees get together at 2 o'clock every morning and fix the London price for meat for the day, thus robbing cus- tomers; that they have secured posses- slon of the market "by means of un- limited expenditure backed by shrewd brains," and that they have done other dreadful things. "Americans must go!" they cry. "They have held their per- nictous monopoly long enodgh.' But how did the Americans secure the mon- opoly? We are left to infer what ws will from the statement that "the city conducts the market" and does so "in direct violation of the terms of the ancient charter." The implication is that the Americans in some way im- properly influence the cry governmenL _J iI I IIII I IIIIII I IIIII II II _ Eldor do I ....... On the northeast borders of Upper gold in the mountains which have Burmah is a land where the chief ar- ticles of commerce are gold dust, am- ber, rubies and jadestone. Trade must take on a peculiarly fascinating asl)ect where the articles dealt in are such as these. A pork-packing establishment in Chicago is much more to be desired from a commercial standpoint than a ruby mine in this Kachinland, as the place is called, but how much more romantic and dazzling the Kachin property sounds when you talk about it. It is a wild laud from which the rubies, the jade, the gold and the am- ber come, and is inhabited by a wild and savage people, who work the prec- ious deposits of the country in a primi- "tire manne~. But the British are in there now, and it is only a question of time when the far-off region will be exploited for all it is worth. This jade, or jadeite, is dug out of a mountain in I one place and in another it is found at the bottom of a river ,and the natives dive for it from rafts. This jade Is translucent and varies in colors from a creamy white through different shades to a delicate green. The Chi- nese use it extensively for vases, rings, bracelets, etc., and make beautifully carved ornaments out of it. One va- riety of jade they call "kingfishers' plumes," on account of its coloring. The finest jad~ in the world comes from thls almost unknown Kachinland, and bands of Chinese merchants are constantly coming and going, bringing cloth, etc., which they barter for the glittering products of the country. The rubies the Kachins get by digging into the hillsides, and the gold dust by washing it out of the sands of the streams. This land is the home of the "pigeon's blood" rubies, whtc,h are[ found also to some extent further south between Kachinland and Mandalay, "where the flying fishes play." But no rubies are so pure and beautiful in color as those of Kaehinland~ Since there is so. much gold dust in the streams of this wonderful country it is probable that there are stores of waited throu~:h the centuries to be dug out. Rubber trees grow in this region and all manner of valuable woods are lu the forests. The British have been In nominal control of Kachinland for Some years, but never have really oc- cupied the country. Every now and then an expedition has to be dispatched there to restore order and to remind the natives that they are British sub- jects; but civilization never yet has penetrated through the mountains and the dense forests to this land of rubies, gold dust and jadestone. Nearly all the trade of the country is carried on with the Chinese; but the government of India now has it in mind to open up the country to trade with Burmah and hence with the rest of the world. It is a virgin field for exploitation, and in these days, when no corner of the earth is neglected in the search for riches, Kaehinland cannot long escape the general fate of all rich regions. Al- ready Britishers have visited Kaehin- land to spy out the country and blaze the way for the army of exploiters which will come later. The latest news of this strange oountry has been brought back by Captain W. S. Eardly Howard, a British officer of Punjabees, who lately returned from a trip to the Kachin Hills. In the Wide World Mag- azine he gives an account of the curious people who live among the rubies and the jade and tells of their many eurl- ous customs. Slavery exists there, and the natives are exceedingly supersti- tious. "The members of a village," says the captain, "seldom cultivate more cereals than are required for their own consumption, but barter among themselves guns, gongs, slaves, etc., although they are ralytdly acquir- ing an appreciation of our coinage and methods of trade." Every known language contains such names as cuckoo, pewit, whip-~ poorwill and others, in which thel sound emitted by the animal is utilized as the name. He Expels Awd Incidentally S~ys D " = ev Cold ~.s Ice. i ii i i Dr. William D. Gentry, who con- ducts a mission in Chicago, claims to have and to exercise the power of cast- ing out devils. He began the work, he says three years ago when a woman brough~ to him an afflicted child. The victim made a hissing noise with its mouth and for a time the doctor was perplexed to know whether the evil spirit in possession of the child was a snake or a goose. He ejected it, how- ever, and since then the doctor has been in the devil-expelling business. Dr. Gentry is a great believer in the efficacy of prayer and relates one case that was cured by supplication after all medical means had failed. The doc- tor was then a practitioner himself, 'but ~ince that time he has given up his medical practice and has labored to heal the sick with the power that he claims has been conferred upon him. He takes no stock in Christian Science and unlike Dowie he has no use for money. His services are free. The doctor has a peculiar idea about the part the sun plays in our pmnetary system and it is worth quoting. He says the sun has no heat, that it is as cold as ice. "The sun," he continues, "is a dead planet, and it is only use- ful to the world for the purpose of giving light, The astronomers will tell you that It is a blazing mass, and has been a blazing mass since the cre-t ation of the world. The absurdity of~ such statement is self-evident. Howl can anything keep on burning and not! be consumed? The sun was burned~ out ages "ago. It furnishes us light simply by acting as a reflector for the myriads of worlds in the firmament. "Whence comes the world's heat, then. you ask, and what causes the change of seasons? Part of the, world's heat comes from its interior, which is a blazing and liquid state. The rest of the heat comes from its atmosphere, which is brought into friction with the various stratas~ through which the revolutions of the' world carry it. These stratas vary,. and it is owing to their variance that~ we have the changes in temperature and in seasons. "In time this mass of fire in the~ interior of the earth is going to de- stroy it. There Is a constant change going on in the physical aspect of the earth, due to this fire, but the trouble ls that observers do not attribute them to the proper cause. The Bible says that the earth shall perish by fire, and this prophecy, to my mind, refers to the internal fires of the world." A man soon forgets his faults when they are known only to himself. In Morocco the period of girlhood is ~hort. The marriageable age is 12 years and a father seldom keeps his daughter after she has reached 15. The age of the bridegroom does not matter, and a child of 12 frequently receives ,a husband of 60. When a glrl becomes engaged it Is her parents' duty to fatten her, and she is put into training for this. 1 Evc~ry morning she takes the soft part of her wheaten bread and rolls it into long, round pieces about twice the length of her little finger, and of the girth of her thumb. After each full meal she eats three or four of these, gradually increasing the dose. At first she is allowed to wash them down with milk or green tea. Later on liquids are forbidden Most girls manage in tlme to put away 50 or 60 of these aids to obesity every day. By the time the wedding day comes around brides have wholly lost their slimnesss and after a few years re- semble huge sacks of down. Weddings always take place in the evening and the long processsion is an indispensable part of the ceremony. The woman is neatly enveloped in gauze and muslin and packed into a trim little red box, Just as if she were an automatic doll or the newest thing in hats, so that she r~m no more be seen than a diamond wrapped up In wadding and shut in a basket. The box is fastened on the back of a mule or a horse and when tl~ese details are satisfactorily settled the processslon. All her kith and kin, as well as the relations and friends of her future lord, ride in state or solemnly march on goot to the sounds of weird music, w~h would madden a European. T~e instruments are ear-splitting. And if the families have a proper sense of what they owe themselves they are not satisfied even with this. but invest in gunpowder and keep firing all ths way to the bridegroom's house. Assistant Secretary ganger ~ Worker. One of the hardest workers and most ln:3~strious officials of the United States government, according to The Army and Navy Register, is W. Cary Sanger. theassistant secretary of war. He reaches his office about 8 o'cloekl in the morning and keeps at work with, only a short intermission for a noon- day luncheon until 6 o'clock and after,. He finds time to see everybody, * and~ to talk according to the merit of the case. Where Cotton-Growln~ Has Increased, American cottonseeed is responsible for a tremendous Increase in the pro- duction of cotton in Russia, middle Asia, Bakhara and Khl~e. The year 1900 shows an increase of 44 per cent over 1899 in the Asiatic lands, aud the increase In the Russian district is 25 per cent. Most of the former corn- fields are now being planted with cot- ton. Too Mueh for Him; She---Don't you love to hunt four- leafed clovers? He---No; I hunted them with an-, other glrl once, and we ran upon one, in a Jeweler's window--green andl white enamel.-diamond dewdrop in the center~$25. Happy is he who lets himself o~l no man and lets no man owe him. I